a call:

lately i've been wondering what to do with my life. and then i had a brilliant thought, i should do what God wants me to do! now here's the big question... what does God want me to do? this question is soon followed by... how do I know what God wants me to do? and then followed by does who i am affect Gods decision? which is followed by does God even care?

in the bible God called the murderer Moses very clearly (Exodus 3:4). Jesus called Peter, Andrew, James, John (Matthew 4:18-22) and Matthew (Matthew 9:9), Philip (John 1:43) and Saul (Acts 9:3-6) to name a few. However, the Bible doesn't let us know specifically about the callings of other great men such as Stephen. Yet not everybody is a great leader. There has to be followers to... right? Acts 2:41 says, "Those who accepted his message weere baptized, and about three thousand were added to their number that day." Who is # 1,549 in the list of 3,000. why wasn't he called to do greater?

Every one (or at least me) wants, longs to be part of something greater. Did # 1,549 accomplish this. what exactly did he do after he accepted the message? Did he/she, do wonders in the name of the Lord? Did he/she bring glory to God? Did he/she live an average middleclass life, with not much say? Am I called to be just like # 1549? Am I called to be an average joe, living a "normal" life? Am I not an average joe just because I love God? Why haven't I been clearly called? or maybe more appropiatly... should i have been clearly called? am i just jealous? is my hardened heart incapable of hearing? if God even called clearly, would I follow?

my good youth leader Justin claimed (or at least this is how i took it) that if we live for God wherever we are we are following His call.

sometimes i pray that God won't call me. I worry that my own pride might get in the way. i worry that i might screw it up. I also worry that i'm not doing what God wants me to do. actually, i know i'm not doing what God wants me to do. my life is filled with sin, but peter, and paul, and stephen, and # 1,549 were all sinners to.

while i guess what each career would be like, what my day to day activities would be, i wonder if it is the right choice. and now i'm wondering if i will ever know.

i guess when it comes down to it i should probably just read the bible more, and spend more time actually listening